Friday, May 8, 2009

Camo Black Ice xxXxx


Holy crap is this beer bad! I know that simply by examining the name we can tell it's going to be bad. Any beer containing the word ice in the title is probably on the bottom end of the spectrum. That said , this can of vile liquid truly takes the cake. I have unquestionably become a bit of a beer snob. But, as a young lad I had plenty of crappy beers (including lots of stroh's on ice since mike's mother let us drink beer but not keep it in the fridge) and still often find the high life in my hand, it is the champagne of beers after all. So i feel i have had enough garbage beer to say hands down this is the worst beer ever made.
It has two things going for it in theory.
One is the promise of camouflage. I figure a can that is camouflage could come in handy if you are hiding from the police in a wooded area and still need to drink so it might be a boon. But this sewer water can't even pull this off. The "camo" print that runs around the can is just a cell phone picture of shrubs growing outside the chemical plant that makes this stuff from it's byproducts.
Two is the ABV. and on that they actually deliver. That is what this beer is about. A 24 oz. can cost me under two bucks. With a whopping 10.5% booze that is about four and a half beers drunk for a buck seventy five. But, in the world of drinking cheap you'll always win with absolute bottom of the shelf vodka at 11 dollars for the 1.75 liter you can drink till you pass out twice for ten bucks.
What this beer has going against it is everything else. It has a distinct three part harmony of dissonant taste. It hits the tongue like aluminium. that terrible "wait how long ago did you buy this can of soup?" taste. Which is what I blame the instant headache on, although my drinking buddy from the night before suggests the empty bottles of Czech beer on his coffee table might be the culprit. Shortly after that taste fades and yields a standard garbage beer taste. Lots of corn sweetness, no hops and unnecessarily carbonated. But, then it finishes up with the real kicker. After choking it down and before the vomit comes, if you intend to drink much because it seems inevitable, there is dial soap. Not a tinge of dial the "oh i got some tingle on my tongue from washing my face." but, the "keep this in you mouth for till I get back ralphy" dial taste.
This at the seventeen year old who is going to join the army on his eighteenth birthday, the street drunk, and the alcoholic whose taste buds have been burned away by a terrible goldschlager fire blowing incident. if your in that category go nuts! you'll love this beer and you'll be blasted under six dollars into your night! If you're anybody else drinking this is to be reserved for the to be reserved for penance. Bless me father for i have sinned.... say two our fathers and drink two camo black ice. I know for many of us myself included when someone says things like " oh wow! that is so awful!" we are going to run out and find it just to say "oh yeah man that is totally shitty." Please for your own sakes trust me this time don't do it let me be the sacrifice I have ventured into the darkness and come back to tell of the horrors. please don't follow my path. I am gonna go drink some carburetor cleaner now just to remove this from my palette.
smell y'all on the flip side,
Dan

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